you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
