if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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