She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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