That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize