i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
