That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
