tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
