sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
