I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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