So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
