you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
