Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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