his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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