I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
