Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
