I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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