it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just puked most of my soul out..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
