He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
