I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize