Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
