God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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