are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
