we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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