last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
