fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
