I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
