I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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