apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize