So gin and wine won't be happening again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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