So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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