He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
