I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
