It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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