We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
