party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He shit in the fireplace
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
