I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I supernannyed him into submission
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize