I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
