I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is the high leading the old right now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize