He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so much tequila, so little girl.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
