they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
