So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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