i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
