I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
