do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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