i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
