i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
