the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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