Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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