Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How does one acquire holy water?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
