dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
