my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
