my phone needs a breathalizer
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
