Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
