jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
