My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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