so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
