spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
