this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
