Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bring me that man meat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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