i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
