What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
