glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
