tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
