you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
